What's so wrong with being a Cliche?

Cliche's....I have been recently informed that I am one big cliché. I was a little bit offended by it but then I was alright with it. The more I thought about it God reminded me that it's ok to be a cliché. He made each and everyone of his children different. If we were all the same then life would be really boring!! Anyways, I was really thinking about it....I love that I'm a cliché!!! I love to show people that they are loved and cared for even if it's the cheesiest thing.

Growing up I was (still am I guess) the little girl who loved to love. I dreamed of my wedding day since I was 5. I think I married everyone of my stuffed animals :) When my brother was little my mom said that I would hold him and squeeze him so much. My mom would say that I would squeeze him so hard some times that he would wiggle to try and get out of my grasp. I would reply "I just love him so much!" Which of course I did and still do.

Little Elmyra from Tiny Toons is who best described me when I was little. Not only the love for animals but the love for people.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I am a person who loves. I greet with a hug and I say good-bye with a hug. I tell everyone that I know that I love them and I care about them. I send cheesy letters, text messages, and gifts. I explain how I'm feeling like I am writing for Hallmark. So I've been told...I am who I am and I love that I have a heart that all it wants to do is love. There is no shame in that, right?? Right!

The reason why I am writing this is because I don't care if I am a cliché. One day someone is going to love me for my big heart and all the cliché's that I love to say and do. God made me this way and I love that about me and that my future husband, whoever he may be, will love them and enjoy them as much as I do.

What can I say.....I have a lot of love to give!!!

*Side Note: This is not an entry about how I hate being a cliché. It's an entry about embracing it!!

2nd Week

Welcome Back Everyone!!! Second week of training was successful. We SURVIVED!! The other house momma's and I have been getting use to a routine, getting to know our way around, exploring possible fun/educational activities for the girls to do, making a list checking it twice for supplies we need around the house and of course spending time together and growing closer to each other and to God. It is so neat, cool and Godronic (made up house word) how God has brought each of us together. We each bring a little something to the table...It's just amazing!!!

This past week we started out with a video that was put together by Bethel "Loving Our Kids on Purpose." Such an eye opening series. When our supervisor told us that we would be watching this I was like...."Why?? I don't have any kids. Great another lame video to watch." but I was wrong. It was awesome. I learned so much from it!! I highly recommend it to anyone who is connect with children of any age (teachers, counselor, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent etc...) The video teaches you how to love your children (Love language) and let them make the responsible decision. Honestly, I wish my parents would of watched it. (I'm not stating that my parents are horrible and did a crappy job raising my brother and I because they did a WONDERFUL job.) If you can rent it from some where or if you would like to see a copy I would love to give you one. If it was a scoring on Rotten Tomatoes I would give it a 98% (They never give 100%)  Here is the link: Loving Our Kids on Purpose

Later in the week we had our CPR & First Aid Training. That is a tough class. Not tough as in I'm scared I'm not going to pass it but tough as in I don't think I'm going to be able to stay awake. A dark room and a movie going...I'm out in 5 minutes. I didn't do that though in this class. It was very educational but EXTREMELY long!!! First Aid part was boring because it was just knowledge of what to do. Very informative but not my cup of tea. I'm a hands on girl.I like to get in there and learn by doing. That was CPR. We had our little dummies and the whole time we were in the class I just kept thinking of The Office Episode where they had that training. Please, enjoy this hilarious clip that was running through my head the whole time. Needless to say I laughed a lot. Our instructor had seen the show so he would play along too.

 

Friday, evening Channel 13 came to the house to talk to the big man on campus our wonderful director Jeff. It is such a joy to tell and teach people about what we do and about Modern Day Slavery. People it is happening right in your backyard. That's another blog and another time to discuss.

 

Saturday, we went and checked out the local community pool and that was so much fun. Note to self wear sunscreen. We got a little toasty. My arms feel like the sheets our made of cacti. It's painful.

Went home Saturday afternoon and visited with my mom (which was a good visit) and then went across the street and celebrated my neighbors birthday. Reminisced about the old days and told fun stories and just had a blast.

 

Sunday, didn't do much but go to my cousins house and love on my little guy. Who now talks and smiles at me. He is such a precious baby boy. Met up with my parents for some ice-cream. Can't complain about free ice-cream. :)

 

We have the rest of this week for training so that means by next Monday we can have a girl living in the house. Talk about craziness!!! We are getting really excited though....On that note....Please pray for us House Moms and for the organization, for the girls that will be living n the house, the new house mom's and for the up coming year. It's going to be an emotional, physically and mentally draining but God will be right next to us wrapping his loving arms around us. Thank you for all your support and prayers!!



The Journey Start's Here

Hello Everyone!!!

After 3 interviews, packing an unpacking I have finally made it to my destination.

I have teamed up with two other wonderful ladies and I have taken a job mentoring teenage girls (10-17yr olds) We call ourselves House Moms. This is a going to be a great experience, even when the road will seem bumpy at times I know that this is where I am suppose to be. It's such a great feeling knowing that this is the path that God choose for you. Who knows I might still be working at my old job day dreaming and thinking where I was suppose to be and then never listening when God was clearly pointing out all the signs.

In my morning devotion I came across two passages that really stuck out to me and are perfect for what I am going through. We at the house call that Godronic.

#1. John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Now in this passage it speaks volumes to me. Especially with what is to come in the next year. In this passage Jesus is telling the disciples to take courage. In spite of the inevitable struggles that we would face, we wiykd not be alone. Jesus does not aboandon us to our struggles. We can remember that the ultimate victory has already been won, we can claim the peace of Christ in the most troublesome times. I know that I am going to hold on to theses words. There are going to be days when I feel like God has totally abandoned me but I will have Faith.

#2. Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

This piece of scripture is what I used before I joined this team. I used this mostly praying that Gods timing is perfect (future husband)  and that he knows what is right for me. When your in your 30s all your friends are getting married and having babies you get really discouraged about your life. Knowing that Gods plans are going to far out way your own though, that's a pretty sweet feeling. Now with this scripture waiting on God is not easy. Often it seems that he is;t answering our prayer or doesn't understand the URGENCY of our situation. That kind of thinkning implies that God is not in contorl or is not fair. But God is worth waiting for. In Lamentations 3:24-26 calls us to hope in and wait for the Lord because often God uses waiting to refresh, renew, and teach us. I've been trying to make good use of my times of waiting by discovering what od may be trying to teach me. In this next year I am going to learn a LOT.

Now, that I shared a little about the scriptures that have been near and dear to my heart let me share with you the journey so far.

This week we have met with so many different orginizations to help us train for what is to come. They have been some long hours but enjoyable. We wake up at 7:30 due our normal routine (get ready, morning devotion, breakfast) Just depends on what we have to do that day. Then we finish with the overview around 10:30pm. We are still all excited about what we are doing we talk and then watch a show called Half the Sky. It is a very powerful series we only watch about  half hour of the show because by the time we get the movie started and ready it is 11:30pm-midnight and we are getting in bed by 1 and then the up at it again in the morning. Days are long and very tiring but it'll be all worth it. I've talked to a few people and sometimes I think that they picture my job as sitting watching TV all day. Yaaaaaayyyy that's not the case at all. It is 110% of your mind, body and soul. Other than that we have been extermly busy that our time on the computer is a last priority. I have been journaling everyday though so I can have my memories. Thanks for stopping by.....See ya soon in a few days.

*I can't go into a lot of detail on here for the privacy of the other house moms and girls*

Oh, the Places You Will Go!!

This little motto from one of my FAVORITE books when I was younger is very fitting right now in my life!! God is moving in my life and the journey that I am about to embark on I could not be more excited. It is going to be challenging and not easy but it's where God wants me and I couldn't be more happier. Granted I have a million and one different emotions flowing through my veins. I can't really disclose on everything but tonight is the night I will find out if I will continue with it or if God has something else in mind for me. Either way I am so excited and I know that whatever it is, It'll be amazing. It's so ENERGIZING, REWARDING and EXCITING to watch and see what God has in store for me. This next chapter is going to really be something......

I FOUND Him

Most of you that just read that top head line are thinking that I am talking about my Prince...Well, I *think* I have found my Prince but that is for another blog. I have found Jesus..I know, I know..Some of you I can see the confused look on your face but it's not like that. I have known Jesus for 12 years now but I am talking about his Love for ME!! It's a new love...a love that I have often found myself trying to find it in other people. It's a sacrificial love. (I have been using that word a lot to describe love, lately) Here's a little story I'm going to tell you.

I attend a young adult group on Monday nights called SOMA (which means body of Christ). We meet every Monday night at 7pm. It's about 300-400 young adults (18-30) that attend this worship night. Well, the young adult pastor there, Sammy (who by the way if your not reading his blogs I highly recommend them. GOOD STUFF!!) was talking about Bachloer and Bachlorette series. It was one of my favorite sermons he has done. When I was sitting there next to my good friend Andrea, excited that we were in a new building and we were going to get Chick-Fil A that night :), I was sitting there thinking.."Oh,great!! Here we go talking about how God made someone special for us..blah blah blah. See being Single and hearing a lot and I mean A LOT of sermons on being single and Love are pretty much repetiative. I was anxious this night though because I had a feeling that Sammy's sermon might be a little bit different. Boy was I right!! His blew every other sermon out of the water. It really hit home for me. I just remember sitting there and thinking about everything that he had said. Just letting it soak in. It sure did soak in. I remember leaving and discussing with Andrea and Craig about the sermon. When I got home I just cried because it was so close to my heart. I have linked the sermons so you can hear them yourself. They are very powerful!! I wish I could just go more in depth about this discover right now but it will have to wait for another blog entry, because I am unfortunately writing this on my lunch break. I just can't contain the joy, happieness and love that I have in my heart right now!!!

To Be Continued....

What Should I Do

Last night was a very interesting yet encouraging night. My Roommate and her fiance came home a little late. I just got done getting ready for bed and I was about to dive in to the warm sheets and just get lost in dream land. That did not happen. I heard the garage door open and them talking. I layed there a while debating if I should get up and go chit chat for a bit or just go to sleep. While I was contemplating that I felt like God was telling me to go talk to them.

Here's a bit of a back story on why I needed to go talk to them....Earlier that day I had a panic attack. It wasn't your normal one. This time I felt that I was going to meet my maker. I was having horrible chest pains and it wasn't good. I was scary and horrifying at the same time. My dad talked me down and said to just go rest for a bit and relax. I layed on the couch and did my little relaxing technique that I had done since I was little, prayed that God would just take everything that I was feeling, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, and confused away. Within 5 mins I was out like a light. I slept for a bit and got up to get ready for youth. I really needed to talk to someone though and I knew this. I felt it. It was a crazy feeling because I am going through some things that I don't want anyone to know about. Stuff about my past that creeps up on me and I get really depress or have horrible nightmares. I have been dealing with a lot. I know it's a good thing but a hard thing at the same time.

I had watched this video and it really hit home because I know that God is working on me still

I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and just talk to them. It's very unusal because this past weekend I hardly saw them. I ususally see them a lot more. Kelsey went and took a shower and Rye and I went in the living room and talked. Talked about the good old days at Elmore, life, relationships and trials. Trials that I was facing. One in particular...Not going to go into to much depth on here though...not now at least...I have been battling with a change that I think (still praying though for some clarity) i need to do. The problem is I dont want to do this change. I love what I do where I'm at and who I'm with. I feel though that God is directing me else where and that scares the daylights out of me. I don't want to do this change because it means that I will have to start new and meet new people and just start over. Where I'm at, I'm comfortable. I don't like change and I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. When I was explaning everything to Ryan he reassured me that God does call me to step out of my comfort zone. That is so true. I think I know what I have to do and I really don't want to do it but I do want to serve God and if he's calling me some where else then I should make the move. Just going to pray about it for a little bit longer because I still need clarity. I don't want ot go based on feelings.

Stay tuned for what path I choose...

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
~Jeremiah 29:11-13

Things I take seriously...FRIENDSHIP

This past weekend I got to get away from life for awhile. Away from my small town. A 4 1/2 hour up north to an isolated little area deep in the woods. I will go in depth with the 2nd part but I wanted to share or more less write down a little sneak peek into what was probably one of the greatest weekends in a long time.



My day started out like any other day. Got up early to get ready. Prayed about the day ahead of me. I knew it was going to be a much needed weekend! I actually need this weekend more than I thought. Anyways, I had a great weekend!!(Another Blog) Well, let's get back to the "time to think". I had some good conversations this weekend. Really bonded with a lot of the high schoolers and leaders. It was a perfect getaway weekend. Then I found out some information that really just broke my heart. Shattered it. Being traded by a friend is one of those pains in your heart you don't know how to take it. I'm still really confused about the whole situation but I am going to talk to the person about it. Not an easy conversation to have but, not an easy one to have. It will either turn out really bad or be one of the best conversations.

Friendship is a very important thing to me. People always tell me that I have a lot of friends. I think I do but there is a handful that I honestly think as friends. The one that you can call anytime of the day or night. Cares for you as a person and is there for you when your world is flipped upside down. Great listeners and great advice givers. I really do have some amazing people in my life. (Another Blog Idea) Like my family. I consider them my best friends. They are the people who will always be there for you and will never leave you hanging on to only memories. As you get older people that you think are your friends are really not. They may have been during that season of your life. That also doesn't mean that they should be apart of your life now. It's hard to explain this concept right now, because I feel like I am still trying to understand this. I enjoy everyone of my friendships but there are a few that I could do with out. It's hard because I love and care for these people but, the way that they treat me or bring me down, well, there's NO room for that in my life!! This doesnt mean that I don't love or care about them. Just don't have room for that in my life. Things need to change but, if they are not then I am going to have to ask them to leave. I kind of sound like a snob or a little crabby. Sorry. This is just how I feel. I learned so much this weekend and I really have some great people in my life that are positive people and don't bring me down or the drama.

Wait, for the blog about how the Spring hill retreat was one of the best retreats in a long time! Lots of bonding and memories were made this past weekend.

If You Had 3 Weeks to Live What Would You Do?

I have had this question come up in conversation recently. I don't know if it's because of the deaths that have recently happened, the "end of the world" or just conversation. Everyone usually gives the normal/traditional responses on spending time with family and doing everything they ever wanted to do. When I think about it more as I am sitting here in my comfy flannel pajamas, sipping on some delicious Hot Chocolate I wonder if it really came down to it, What would I really do?? I don't think I can honestly answer this question. I can try my best but until I your put into that situation you won't know. This is hard for me because there are so many books I want to read and movies I want to see. I don't really want to spend my days doing those kind of things. I know...I know books and movies are great but I personally don't want to be spending my last days doing that. Let's see these are some of the top things I would want to do.

1.Spend time with my family. Every year the week of Thanksgiving my family (Dad's side) goes to Mohican State Park and we stay in these cute little cabins. Some of us stay a whole week, some stay half. Anyways, I would want to do something like that with my family. Well, it would be between Mohican and Mohican South which is (North Carolina)

2. Going to the beach. I would want to drive but if I had that short amount of time I would fly. 2hrs instead of 8hrs. I could kill two birds with one stone and have my whole family go with me and we can stay in one of those ginormous houses on the beach. All of us living in the same area. While I was on the beach I would stay up all hours of the night and watch the stars and sunrise on the ocean. Taking in the sights of the beautiful orange, pinks and purples shining across the sky or the pure darkness of the sky at night with little white dots all across the sky. With a few shooting stars :)

3.Write letters to important people in my life. Which is a lot. I did this once and it took me forever. I actually found some of the letters half written as I was packing up some stuff. Send each person I know a letter and the important role they had played in my life. I would send pictures if I had any with them so they would always have a memory with them or give them something of mine. 

4.Tell the guy that I have been smitten by that I like him. Why do people always wait to the last minute to tell someone that they care about how they feel. I know it has to do something with rejection but I would say something like this...."Don't say anything just let me speak..."and then I would go on about how I like them and all that fun stuff. Just so they would know how I feel about them. Which I think he does know how I feel about him. Just doesn't know what say or do without hurting my feelings.

5. Go to Africa or Haiti to a orphanage and do some mission work. I have always felt a calling to do something like this. I love doing mission trips, even though I haven't done one out of state, the in state ones have been so moving to me I can only imagine what it be like to do an overseas one.  I would be doing this right now but the problem is, I'm broke as a joke. One day though I know I will fulfill this. I can't wait for that to happen.

There you have it. My Top 5 things that I would do if I only had 3 weeks to live. The more I think about it I am going or will do these in the near future. Letters to my friends and family/Mission trip/Week vacation to the beach/and spending time with my family. The only one that I am not ready to indulge in is tell the guy that I am recently crushing on. Just because it's so new and everything is going great. Plus, I would prefer to be pursued by a guy. I guess it's because I have been rejected some many times.  My heart can only take so much breaking and I am an old fashioned girl. To many times in my past have I tried to make guys like me. That doesn't work out to well. The big guy upstairs knows who the right person is for me. I'm patiently waiting for him.

Well, I hoped you enjoyed this little blog. It's not much but I don't know really if anyone reads this. I personally like to just write (type) out things out that have been swirling on in my brain. I have way to much going on up there so getting a little out there is good. I guess.

God's Plan vs My Plan

Sometimes I wonder.."What is God's plan for my life?" As I think everyone thinks this. (If not then maybe there really is something wrong with me..kidding) I recently blogged about how my life had taken a turn in the job field. Yes, I'm still unemployed!! (Fingers crossed that I will get a job soon) Anyways, I was at my parents house early this evening grabbing a few things that I needed. I came across this teddy bear book with a little lock on it. To my surprise I found the key and opened it up to read what I wrote in it. It was hilarious. First off, if you didn't know me in my younger years I was BOY CRAZY!! In the front cover I have 7 boys name in a heart, well because I loved them. I Love Will, Jake, Zac, Brett, Bob, Brent, and Steve. WOW, that is a lot of boys. (Don't judge.) When I read the first entry I died laughing. I will give you a little glimpse into it:

Dear Diary,
I think I am in love. I really don't know what love is but what I feel I think is love. There is this boy in my new school named Will. He's really cute. We sit next to each other in class. We were talking and he is dating Stefanie. She actually is in the other class. She's really pretty with long brown hair and wears really cool clothes. I wonder if they are going to get married. I bet they are. They are really cute but I like Will too. Maybe we will get married? I can't wait to get married and become a mom. I'm going to be a cool mom that packs cool lunches, like Oatmeal creme pies or Chocolate Chip Cookies!! My Grandma Welch makes the BEST!! I am going to be really good at cooking too. I want to get married at 20 and have my kid by 25 because that is getting kind of old. My cousin just told us that they are going to have a baby. I can't wait because I will get to babysit. Well, gotta go. I hear my brother coming. 
Love
Meggie 

So there you go. A glimpse into my 5^th grade journal entry! I often think of what I wanted or where I was going to be when I was older.

Teenage Megan                                                                       20's Megan

• Married by 21                                                                       Not Married (not even dating)
• 7 Kids by 25                                                                         No Kids, lots of Nieces and Nephews
• Open my own Bakery/florist                                                  No bakery but a photography business 

That's just a little bit of what I wanted in my life. I had my whole wedding planned out who was going to be in it and where it was going to be. All that was missing was the groom. Now, that I'm done diving in my boy crazy life I'll get to the point.

All those things that I craved for and wanted and didn't get by the age of 21 has changed. I have gone through life with a plan. An agenda that I wanted to follow. What the world wanted me to follow. After I gave my life to Christ now I fully understand what it means for God's Plan. God's plan for my life far exceeds the plans I had. I never thought that I would be a youth leader, let alone going to church. I didn't grow up in a home where we went to Church every Sunday. Now it's something I do every weekend! I am really involved with my church and doing things in the church. I'm not saying that I don't hang out with people who aren't Christians because I do. I think that I have a good mix. Whenever I get discouraged I remember what the bible says 

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

and

 ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

These are two of my favorite verses. They speak so much volume into my life. 

What I'm saying is that God's plan is far better than I could ever imagine my plan. I don't know why God chose me, but I'm so glad that I chose this path for my life. :)

Here is a nice little song I recently been listening too. 

PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Don't know if anyone really reads my blog, but I decided to write a concern I have. Well, something that has been on my heart and I have a concern with. My baby brother (who is not a baby) served 5 years in the United States Marine Corps. He served for the country he loves and fought for our freedom. While in the Marine Corps he did a lot of growing up. Which, I think that anyone who goes into a branch of the military is going to grow up. I love the military. I am thankful for all who serve our country. It is something that I could not do. We became close to so many new families all over the United States. Some of my brothers best friends he met in the service. He recently ended his time with the Marines in May. It's so nice having him home. There is something that is missing from my brother and it makes me sad to think or even talk about. I love my brother with all my heart but being over seas, experiencing, and seeing what he saw I could never fathom. I know that a lot of military people who come back to civilian life is hard to get what they saw/heard over there. Bubba served three tours. It was the hardest/longest deployment ever. I hated it, but knew this is what he wanted to do. I have several friends who have and are serving overseas and God Bless each and everyone of them. I prayed Psalm 91 when he was over there and still do.

PTSD is something that has affected my family. We saw it when my brother snapped and wanted to beat up everyone around him. It took us calling the cops on him to calm him down, but even after that he would get these nightmares and just freak out on us. Now a days I have noticed that he just doesn't care. He is angry, irritable and just seems to be giving up on everything. It breaks my heart because he is an AMAZING guy! One of my best friends. Gives the greatest advice and was so warm to be around. When I talk to him now I feel like he's going to snap at me or he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me. That kills me because he is my brother, and the love you have for a sibling is unexplainable. Sometimes, well, I should say most of the time that I think about what he has gone through or how he has a little piece of his heart gone, I just cry. Crying right now. I have witnessed one to many freak outs. (I should think of another name because I don't like that word) I just want my fun loving brother back. I know there are things out there that can help you but it's addressing the problem that is hard. My brother is very stubborn and its hard to talk to him about this. I keep praying that God heals you from this horrible HORRIBLE thing!!

Tonight, like every night, I pray over my brother and that everyone else who is going through PTSD can get help and God buts his loving arms around you. I know that it's hard to talk someone but please talk to someone. Anyone. There are people out there that will sit and listen to you and help you get the help you need.

To my brother: I love you more than you will ever know!! You are my hero! You have done so much that a sister can be proud of. I am sorry that you feel you cant talk to me about this. I am here for you and I always will be. You deserve so much more than this. I knew from the 1st day that I met you we would be best friends. I know that this is going to take time but I am trying my best to understand everything. I LOVE YOU to the moon and back!!

*I have been researching on this and have had some really good things. If you know someone who is dealing with PTSD, there are places out there to help you better understand.

Life

Sitting in my room with The Office playing on in the background (because we got rid of cable) I start to think. Sometimes it's good thinking, but sometimes my imagination wanders and I just think of fear and life. One of my fears is dying without really living my life to it's fullest potential. I try every day when I wake up to focus my day on God and start off on the right foot. Well let me just give you a sneak peak into my life the past month....

The last weekend in July one of my best friends had moved to Chicago. I did get to enjoy spending some nice quality time with him, which was just amazing and what I needed. (I think he did too, but he would never admit it) That was a hard weekend because one another friend of mine was leaving for college. Little did I know the next week was just going to blow every bad day out of the water. (One plus thing though is my bestest from Texas was moving to Chicago. Instead of having one best friend in Chicago I have two now!!)

On August 10th, I got called into my bosses office and was told that I know longer have a job with them. That is another blog in itself. I was very upset when I got home and my roommate was home (who is by the way the best and supports me 110% I don't know what I would do without her.) That day changed my life, for the better. Some peoples rock bottoms are different. I think it depends on what stage in your life that you are at. This was my rock bottom. I have never been "let go" from a job. I know this was a something from God, as weird as it sounds. I was so upset but then talking to some of the greatest people that are in my life helped me through it (Which I thank you all and you have know clue how much I love you and the support) God sure had my attention. I spent a lot of time in prayer and with God. It was one of the hardest things to trust him, but I know that's what I had to do.

Life so far has been throwing me curve balls, but having God on my side I have hit home-runs!!

30 Things To Do Before I'm 30

My cousin Julie K told me that the night going into my 29th birthday I need to make a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30. Which honestly I don't want to face the fact that I am going to be turning 30, but I have to because it's not going to go anywhere. Oh well, I'm going to live life to the fullest!!

I started my list and I keep going back to revamp it several times and keep adding more and more onto it. It's now longer than 30 and that's ok. There is no rule book saying when making a list of things you must have a certain amount of numbers or you will not be able to do it. Most of these are on my bucket list, but hopefully I can do some of these things in my 20's still :) Man, am I getting old.

Well here is my list

30 things to do before I'm 30

Don't take anything or anybody for granted!

Live life to the fullest!

Going through life laughing your butt off and enjoying every bit of it as much as possible is the way to go!!!  Don't be a jerk...karma is an even bigger jerk and life is FAR too short to deal with petty BS!--My friend Parris told me this

Work on myself

Go on a hot air balloon ride

Surprise someone

Lose some weight (#30)

Read the Emily Giffin series

Finish the hunger games

Buy a new car

Go to Africa

Meet the president

Lose some weight (30)

Go to a Dave Matthews concert

Go to a indie film festival

Random road trips

Take lots of pictures

Open an Etsy shop

Spend new years in New York

5k

Volunteer at the pregnancy center

Write letters of appreciation to friends 

Go kayaking in Michigan a whole day 

Go 4x within the year away on a long weekend no electronics.

See the Northern lights

Visit Cody

Eat a Philly steak in Philly

Eat a deep dish Chicago in Chicago

Watch a pro football game (Browns or Dallas) 

Go to a OSU football game 

Sit on top of a hill and look for shooting stars 

Spend the night on a beach

Go to Toronto to see a Play

House boat with a group of people 

Go to Frankfurt and learn about where my grandma lived 

Go to the Grand Canyon

Buy a pair of Toms  and have everyone I meet sign them 

Hold up a free hug sign (ie.. New York, Chicago, Columbus)

Spend all day watching Disney movies 

Spend all day watching Harry potter

Blog more

and my favorite one...Maybe meet my Prince Charming :) 

There you have it folks my list of things I want to do within the year. 

A New Kind of Feeling

Last weekend I got to kick off the summer with some pretty important people. Actually they are just AWESOME, AMAZING, FUN, ENERGETIC, LOVABLE, POSITIVE people, and that's what I need in my life. I went through some hard times the past few months. Just in a drought of feelings, if that makes any sense. I was going through some things that honestly made me stronger. I know that if certain people would read this they would just say different. ANYWAYS..

I was sitting here thinking about everything that happened this past weekend and it was pure bliss. I haven't felt this way in a really long time and I love it. It's a new kind of feeling I would say. Saturday night couldn't have gone any better. The things that happened during the day that night all the way till the next morning will be forever etched into my mind. The feelings were real! I don't want to get into to much detail but things that happened that night was everything that I ever hoped for. I know that the future only holds more of the good feelings. I know that there are going to be some tough times but I can get through them all. Not only with the support of my family and friends but with the support of my wonderful Creator. I don't want to say to much of what might happen, but all I do know is that everything is going to be alright. I no longer have people who try to bring me down or are just negative in my life. I don't have people in my life who don't encourage me. I cleaned up shop. There is no room for negativity anymore. I want nothing but positive. Let's be honest though I know there will be days when I have a few of those negative moments, as my roommate found out last night, but mostly positive.

If anyone could have been in my head any time I wish it was last night. Last night consisted of an emotional nut house. I literally felt happy, sad, excited, and terrified all at once. I had no clue what was going on. When I was talking to my roomie I just sat there and cried. Not because I was sad or happy just because I am petrified about what the future holds. It's everything. There are so many things that I want to tell but I cant because they are still in the making. God's not finished working with me yet. I am just thrilled to see what is going to happen. I love the way my life is going right now. I have to live in the moment or things are going to start happening and I am just going to shatter. I love LOVE this feeling that I'm feeling right now. It just brings a smile to my face and warms my heart.

I think I found my prince? That's the best feeling in the world

Letting You Walk Away

This song has so many meanings. Only two people know and every time I hear this song I just cry. Jordy this song is dedicated to you.  

I think this song has come on my Pandora twice today…and every time I just cry. Maybe because I am just going through some stuff right now. Anyways, I often wonder if things would be different. If we would have done life differently. Is this why I take to heart when some one says they dont want to be my friend, or dont think its a good idea to not be friends. When this happened I thought of the moment when you said the same thing to me and  how my heart felt torn out of my chest.

It was a cool spring night and we were laying underneath the stars talking about how we are going to grow old together. We were going to be 80yrs old and rocking in our rocking chairs talking about how our life was great and we could share it with each other. I remember u leaned over gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered in my ear that you would always love me. No matter what! We weren’t dating at the time we were friends. The best of friends!! Shared everything together. Our hopes, dreams, and future. I loved it. Later during the night I remember you looking at me like I was the prettiest girl ever and you could love no one like me. Then the conversation started. It was getting late and we were talking about our lives and something out of the norm was said. I looked at you with a confused perplexed look on my face. I could see that what you were about to tell me was going to crush me. As I sat there with tears filling up in my eyes as you go on to tell me that you didnt think that it would be a good idea for us to be friends. You talked about how we had a good run but it doesnt feel right to be friends and you just really needed time to think. You gave me one last kiss and one last hug. I remember standing under the stars just you and I hugging and crying. You gave me a kiss one last time on the forehead and walked away. I couldnt do anything but stand there and cry. I remember standing there what seemed like hours thinking to myself where did I go wrong? What just happened? 

A few days later I heard from you and all you said was “Meg as much as I love you and care for you I dont want to hurt you anymore. This is the best and easiest way but we need to end things. I love you and I want you to remember that. I want you to remember that your care, love, support and encouragement will be with me always. I will never forget the times we had and the trails we went through. Your my green eyed girl and I love you, but think it’s best for us to go our separate ways.” Standing there numb having you kiss me one more time, squeeze me like you’ll never let me go is embedded in my brain. I pushed that memory in the back of my head, haven’t thought about it until last night. When my heart was broken, because all I could see was your face and you walking away from me all over again. Granted it was different circumstances but the pain felt the same. I just hope and pray that this is a different outcome. 

I saw you a few months back at a concert. All of the memories came flooding back to me. I just wanted to run and give you the biggest hug and tell you how much I missed you. I saw your smile and my heart melted. Then as you got closer you were holding your wifes hand. As you got closer we exchanged a “Hello” you introduced me to her and then pointed to her belly (which was about 6 months pregnant) and told me the great news. That you were going to be a daddy and you both were happy in love. I kept on that smile I had until you were out of sight. Then I just thought the whole night about what could of been. I saw how happy you were and I couldnt help but know that you were happy was a good thing.

There's a "Hole" in My Heart

I have been struggling with this the past few months. I thought it was something else, but that is nothing to fret about. I have been struggling with finding my place. My place in this enormous world. It’s hard being in my late 20’s, single, and wondering what God has in store for me. I love this piece of scripture and it is one of my favorites:

LOVE THIS!!! I am going to but this on my wall so it can be a daily reminder. 

Whenever, I start to have a panic attack or get really anxious I just think of this verse and I feel 100% better. The grace of God is just so AMAZING; I can’t even put it into words. God has really spoken to me these past few days. I was recently just surfing the net (I am a HUGE fan of the Skit Guys) I came across this video. I have seen it a while back ago and I absolutely LOVED it! Every time I watch it, it takes my breath away and I am put back into check with God. God really knows how to put me in my place, in a loving and caring way of course. I decided to watch it again. As I sat at my desk during my lunch break I had tears flowing down my face. It was just like the video was talking straight to me. I couldn’t believe all the emotions I was going through. I decided that I needed to really spend more time with God and work on myself. It was a real wake up call. I have recently taken a vacation from Facebook and Twitter. These two Social Medias were taking up so much of my time. Ever since then I have learned some very important lessons.  I keep hearing a song in random places and it grabs my attention, it is By your side by Tenth Avenue North. The lyrics are like an arrow headed straight to my heart. Anyways, I will get back to my point here.

I have had this “hole” in my heart for some time now and I don’t know where it came from or what it was. (If that makes any sense) I was trying to fill this “hole” with different people and activities. I finally realized that this “hole” is from my spiritual growth. I’ll explain a little better. I was a part of a tremendous bible study. My Monday night group, which I had been with for 8 years, we just recently ended our 8 year journey this past September. It was a bitter-sweet. It was something that had to be done. We didn’t have a big fall out or harsh feelings it was time to end that chapter and start a new one. I still see the girls that I grew so strong in my faith with and they still have a big part in my life. I am just having a really difficult time with this. I keep rereading the last page not turning to the next chapter to see what God has in store for me. God has really been showing me that I need this in my life. Last night it hit me. I was sitting in the car with a friend and we were talking. I explained what I was going through and how I was feeling and she was in the same boat. We got to talking and it was great. I see God moving not only in my friendship but he brought me to someone who is going through the same thing and we can grow. I feel like this, let me explain in a story:

“I was walking through life with a crowd of people, all believers and strong Christians, then after a while people started to branch out. (ie: starting new relationships, getting married, having babies etc.) After a while I notice there’s just a few, not many. Then, I try to hang on to the ones that are near and it’s not good. All of a sudden I am by myself walking and trying to find someone anyone. (Which I should have my focus on God) When I realize that Jesus is always there I turn around and he’s there with open arms saying “I’ve been waiting for my hug.” I run to him a squeeze him so tightly! I feel like a small child in the arms a dad or grandfather where there hugs just swallow you up.

This is more or less how I feel. The biggest hug!!

 I stand there for hours just soaking it in with tears down my face trying to gain some kind of composer. I keep saying "Please, don't let go." and he just whispers back. "I will never leave you or forsake you." After standing there for a while we start to walk. He is showing me all the great and wonderful things I have in my life. Like my high school girls that I have a close relationship with. They look up to me and for me to sit here and not live the life that God has for me or is showing me that there is something better. I just need to focus on them and become a better leader/mentor. Not that I’m not. I mean they could think I’m the suckiest leader and they hate coming to our little get together, but if I know my girls I think that they help ME more than I help them. They show me the beauty in things; challenge me in areas that I struggle. I see also on this walk the bad and ugly of me, but Jesus doesn’t sit there and how there is so much more out there.  How I shouldn’t be holding on to things that aren’t going to fit right. Just let them go and move on! I finally start focusing on the breathtaking scenery around me and realize that I have so much and everything is perfect. It may not look like that to others but to me it looks splendid. As we are walking another person joins our journey and we learn and start to grow in our faith. It becomes a remarkable friendship.

Ok, sorry if that confused you or didn’t make any sense because it made perfect sense to me. That’s how I see it and I know that God is so working in my life. I was at a plato in my walk but now I am starting to make the journey up. I know through certain things I am going to learn so much and just humble myself to these things. I have other things to focus on. I know that my Prince is out there I just have to be patient. When your my age though it gets kind of tough, but I have abundant support through a great group of friends and family members. I know God is working on me and I am not perfect, but my picture is the one hanging on his fridge because he is proud of me. My heart is starting to become "whole" again. 

*I added the video of the song that has been everywhere. I am finally taking my sign and working towards what God wants for me, not what I think I need!