There's a "Hole" in My Heart

I have been struggling with this the past few months. I thought it was something else, but that is nothing to fret about. I have been struggling with finding my place. My place in this enormous world. It’s hard being in my late 20’s, single, and wondering what God has in store for me. I love this piece of scripture and it is one of my favorites:

LOVE THIS!!! I am going to but this on my wall so it can be a daily reminder. 

Whenever, I start to have a panic attack or get really anxious I just think of this verse and I feel 100% better. The grace of God is just so AMAZING; I can’t even put it into words. God has really spoken to me these past few days. I was recently just surfing the net (I am a HUGE fan of the Skit Guys) I came across this video. I have seen it a while back ago and I absolutely LOVED it! Every time I watch it, it takes my breath away and I am put back into check with God. God really knows how to put me in my place, in a loving and caring way of course. I decided to watch it again. As I sat at my desk during my lunch break I had tears flowing down my face. It was just like the video was talking straight to me. I couldn’t believe all the emotions I was going through. I decided that I needed to really spend more time with God and work on myself. It was a real wake up call. I have recently taken a vacation from Facebook and Twitter. These two Social Medias were taking up so much of my time. Ever since then I have learned some very important lessons.  I keep hearing a song in random places and it grabs my attention, it is By your side by Tenth Avenue North. The lyrics are like an arrow headed straight to my heart. Anyways, I will get back to my point here.

I have had this “hole” in my heart for some time now and I don’t know where it came from or what it was. (If that makes any sense) I was trying to fill this “hole” with different people and activities. I finally realized that this “hole” is from my spiritual growth. I’ll explain a little better. I was a part of a tremendous bible study. My Monday night group, which I had been with for 8 years, we just recently ended our 8 year journey this past September. It was a bitter-sweet. It was something that had to be done. We didn’t have a big fall out or harsh feelings it was time to end that chapter and start a new one. I still see the girls that I grew so strong in my faith with and they still have a big part in my life. I am just having a really difficult time with this. I keep rereading the last page not turning to the next chapter to see what God has in store for me. God has really been showing me that I need this in my life. Last night it hit me. I was sitting in the car with a friend and we were talking. I explained what I was going through and how I was feeling and she was in the same boat. We got to talking and it was great. I see God moving not only in my friendship but he brought me to someone who is going through the same thing and we can grow. I feel like this, let me explain in a story:

“I was walking through life with a crowd of people, all believers and strong Christians, then after a while people started to branch out. (ie: starting new relationships, getting married, having babies etc.) After a while I notice there’s just a few, not many. Then, I try to hang on to the ones that are near and it’s not good. All of a sudden I am by myself walking and trying to find someone anyone. (Which I should have my focus on God) When I realize that Jesus is always there I turn around and he’s there with open arms saying “I’ve been waiting for my hug.” I run to him a squeeze him so tightly! I feel like a small child in the arms a dad or grandfather where there hugs just swallow you up.

This is more or less how I feel. The biggest hug!!

 I stand there for hours just soaking it in with tears down my face trying to gain some kind of composer. I keep saying "Please, don't let go." and he just whispers back. "I will never leave you or forsake you." After standing there for a while we start to walk. He is showing me all the great and wonderful things I have in my life. Like my high school girls that I have a close relationship with. They look up to me and for me to sit here and not live the life that God has for me or is showing me that there is something better. I just need to focus on them and become a better leader/mentor. Not that I’m not. I mean they could think I’m the suckiest leader and they hate coming to our little get together, but if I know my girls I think that they help ME more than I help them. They show me the beauty in things; challenge me in areas that I struggle. I see also on this walk the bad and ugly of me, but Jesus doesn’t sit there and how there is so much more out there.  How I shouldn’t be holding on to things that aren’t going to fit right. Just let them go and move on! I finally start focusing on the breathtaking scenery around me and realize that I have so much and everything is perfect. It may not look like that to others but to me it looks splendid. As we are walking another person joins our journey and we learn and start to grow in our faith. It becomes a remarkable friendship.

Ok, sorry if that confused you or didn’t make any sense because it made perfect sense to me. That’s how I see it and I know that God is so working in my life. I was at a plato in my walk but now I am starting to make the journey up. I know through certain things I am going to learn so much and just humble myself to these things. I have other things to focus on. I know that my Prince is out there I just have to be patient. When your my age though it gets kind of tough, but I have abundant support through a great group of friends and family members. I know God is working on me and I am not perfect, but my picture is the one hanging on his fridge because he is proud of me. My heart is starting to become "whole" again. 

*I added the video of the song that has been everywhere. I am finally taking my sign and working towards what God wants for me, not what I think I need!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND!!

Who's Birthday is it??  This GUY'S!!

Hello All,

Even though it is Valentine's day it is also Mr Nathan's birthday!! He turns the big 2-3!! Such a youngin..I decided to dedicate this blog to him since its his birthday and all. So here goes...



Dear Nathan or NDK,

It is your BIRTHDAY!! 23 years ago you entered this world and the world hasn't been the same since. I have only known known you for a few months. Our friendship started this past summer and my life hasn't been the same since. You are such a joy in my life and I am so blessed and glad to have you in my life. Even though there has been some moments when I wanted to punch you in the face!! LOL jk. I still consider you one of my best friends. I know that I make you very angry or frustrated some days, but I know that no matter what I can always count on you for anything! I can not tell you how much I appreciate you and our friendship. We are going to be friends for a long time I can tell :) Enjoy this little blog that I put together for you. I hope you enjoy it!!
~Megan

23 Reasons
Nathan David Keil
Is My Best Friend

For your birthday I am making a list of 23 Reasons I consider you to be one of my BEST friends! Even though there are more than 23 reasons and hope you know that.

1.       Your heart for God-Always encouraging me.

2.       Your love for OSU football!!

3.       You make me Smile J- Even though there are some days that are better than others.

4.       Trust-I can trust you with anything and know that my secrets are safe with you.

5.       Introduced me to a whole spool of new music that I have never heard of and I LOVE it! One of these days you will grow to love RWB!

6.       Not only music but my movie collection has grown, too.

7.       I enjoy the Spontaneous things that we do-Random road trips.

8.       Even though you hate to hug, you give some of the best!! I think it’s because you learned from the best (ME!!)

9.       When a good song comes on the radio you’re not afraid to sing at the top of your lungs.

10.   You introduced me to the WONDERFUL world of Starbucks (Peppermint Mocha)

11.   We have so many inside jokes.

12.   Your love for reading. Even though you make fun of me for being a “slow” reader-which I am not and you’re a little ridiculous about your books.

13.   Doesn’t complain THAT much when taking a picture.

14.   Seen me cry more than a handful of times and is still comforting and doesn’t make fun of me until AFTER the fact.

15.   You are the only one who knows my special place I like to go and think.

16.   You trusted me to cut your hair-not a full out haircut but you trusted me with clippers to fix your rat tail…hahahaha

17.   We have a lot of things in common.

18.   You’re the BIGGEST Harry Potter fan I know and you’re not afraid to admit it or show it.

19.   I learn something new about you all the time.

20.   I can talk to you for HOURS about anything and everything and not get bored!!

21.    Crazy psycho obsession with your things-I know that I kind of abuse it when I say that I want to “ borrow” something and I have it for a few months.

22.    Your competiveness-even when I suck you still suck it up and play, I know that you don’t like it but I appreciate that you’re still a team sport.

23.   Most of all you accept me for me J

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN DAVID!!! I hope that you have an AMAZING, WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC DAY!! I look forward to many more birthday celebrations!! 

*Hope you enjoyed this little blog. It's not much but at least it's something.

God Has a Boaz Waiting For YOU, So DON'T Settle For BOZO!!

My time-line growing up. It's funny because I thought I was going to be married and have at least 3 kids by now. I was wrong. God had something better in store for me.

Age 5: Played Wedding
            * This is where you would dress up and have your own wedding. I married my rabbit, neighborhood cat, and some other random things (I was 5 and wanted to marry everything that I loved)

Age10: Was going to marry Will Chesher
            *My first crush

Age 17: Had my Bridesmaids picked out
            *Of course there was like 10 of them because I had to have every single one of my best friends in it!

Age 18: Had my Wedding Planned (all I needed was the groom)
            *My friend Stefe and I would always talk about our weddings and would plan them whenever we saw something cute or what we wanted in our wedding

Age 19: Found the Groom (so I thought)
            *I have nothing for this

Age 21: Heartbroken/Found Jesus J
            *Not going into too much detail but I think the title explains it

Age 23: Found a Great Christian Guy (Nope just another phony)
            *LIAR

Age 24: Re-planned my whole wedding (just missing the groom)

            *Naturally everything changed but a few things

Age 25+: Heartbroken/Dated a few more guys/Content with being Single!!
            *Dated some real losers. Didn’t want to lower my standards!! I’m a    princess, just waiting on my Prince J

Why are you writing a blog about being single?? Well, it’s something that I deal with. Not as much as I used to when I was younger. It’s weird because now that I’m older it doesn’t bother me as much. Sure, there are days that I struggle with it but there are days when I thank God for taking me down this road.  Most all my friends are: dating, engaged, married, married with babies. Sometimes I get jealous of them because they have a life that I want, BUT, I know that God has something different in store for me. Not saying that I am not going to get married one of these days and have lots of little babies, just not right now.  This is what helps me get through the days when I am having bad or negative thoughts.  I know that I am beautifully and wonderfully made, because that’s how God created me to be. We must continually remind ourselves that our security and confidence comes from who we are in Christ, not in what we do. The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1  A very wise and big influence in my life always tells me “Purpose in your heart not to settle for second best, but wait for God’s best no matter how long it takes.”  The more I think about it I would rather be single and happy than married to the wrong one and be miserable! If it’s our desire to be married, and we know God wants to give us the desire of our hearts, then we know that we are single only for a season. So we might as well enjoy this season! To be able to enjoy this season, we have to get into faith instead of being anxious. I believe, that God is ordering our steps and preparing the right mate for me.

Discouragement

I get very discouraged as I said in the above paragraph. We all have had opportunities to get discouraged. Even Jesus himself was tempted to be discouraged. In Matthew 16 Jesus tell his disciples how he was going to go to the cross and suffer the most horrible death any human being ever suffered. Now that could be very discouraging. Then right at that moment Peter stuck his foot in his mouth…Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”   Matthew 16:22

In the Greek translation of this verse, Peter is literally saying to Jesus, “Pity yourself.” In other words, Peter was trying to get Jesus to feel sorry for Himself. Actually, it wasn’t Peter; it was the devil himself. He is the source behind all discouragement.

            We must realize the source of our discouragement and do what Jesus did about it. And that is, He spoke to it! He spoke to discouragement. In verse 23 He said,”… Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” Whenever self-pity tries to come our way, be like Jesus and command it to leave your life.

                Your words are very powerful. After you speak to discouragement, you can start saying, “I believe I’m full of joy,” because Proverbs 15:23 says, “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!”  Even your level of joy is determined by the words that you speak.

*If you’re having any doubts about being single, DON’T because God has a greater plan for you. Just trust in him and he will lead the way. This is something that I struggle with but with God’s help I know that it’s going to be worth the wait!!  

I just wanted to leave you with a picture that I took when I was in Gatlinburg, TN last year

2011 Review

Memorable things that happened throughout the year

·         Gatlinburg, TN with some pretty sweet people. On this little get away it was the first time that I ever got to drive the 15 passenger van, bonded, grew in my faith and where new friendships were made J

• Baby Mania- Madisyn Brielle, Elizabeth Nicole (Libby), Westley, Peyton, and Hannah.  These are the babies that were born during 2011

 

 

WEDDING

 My really good friend Valerie Grace got married to her prince charming Scotty J

*We have been friends since the 5^th grade and still are. Love friendships like that

Bubba Comes HOME from the Sandbox

This was such a fun vacation. My dad’s side of the family all went to North Carolina to surprise my brother. We spent a whole week on the beach, lounging, swimming, and just being crazy. It was such an AWESOME vacation and I loved every minute of it. 

Mission Trip with Elmore Youth

This was a very fun and growing experience. I met a lot of people from all over the U.S and still keep in contact with them. They are all nice people, with a heart for God. This was my last mission trip with the Elmore youth because I felt that God was calling me elsewhere and my friend Ryan felt the same. I got to spend a whole week with some pretty amazing kids and youth leaders. The theme was John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  This week of serving was such an awesome experience. We got to go to different locations and we weren’t in our groups. It was such a great experience. I still keep in contact with the A2 church down in Georgia. (Hopefully one day I can make it down there and visit) Nathan from Cincinnati (Which I am excited because I might get to see him in a few weeks) I love meeting people who share the same faith as I do. 

 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 7.2   

I went with a bunch of people to go and see the 2^nd part of Harry Potter 7. Always a good time with these folks. We were a big hit. We made it on local and national news. Loved it!!

 *I made this :)

My Birthday

That’s a celebration in itself J I went to Red Robin with some friends and then went to go and see my hero..CAPTAIN AMERICA!! It was so much fun. A small group of my close friends went to dinner and then we walked over to watch the movie. It was a BLAST!! All though it didn’t start out that well. Got into a fight with a friend the day before and they refused to call,text or come out to celebrate my special day. I was really hurt by this but when I was at dinner and was looking around. I smiled because everyone that I love and care about were right there and I wouldn’t of had it any other way. I am seriously blessed with some of the best people this world has

 

 

 

*Not pictured: Amanda, Shay and Karen 

Childhood Bestie gets MARRIED!!!

My Best Friend growing up is Megan Martin. We lived next door to each other since we were infants. She is the person out of all my friends that I have known the longest. Meg and Ben are just perfect for each other. He treats her like a princess. Makes me smile because I can’t wait for that!!

Happy Birthday & Good Luck

It was a good day yet sad day. My friend Andrea turned the Big 3-0! (She probably would kill me if she knew that I posted that) and Scott was leaving for the big sandbox. Having this family in my life is just a blessing. From the littles (Evie)all the way to biggest (JD) They are such a loving family and I know that I can count on them all

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”    Proverbs 15:13

  

Love this picture. Makes me smile every time I look at it. Hanging out with all them is such a joy. My 2^nd family J

*Scott was using his survival technique by cutting the cake with dental floss.

Renewing of Love

Scott and Andrea renewed their love for each other. It was a surprise for Andrea because the last 2 years Scott has not been home to celebrate. He called this “Operation Seagull” It was a lot of fun and Andrea was really surprised 

CONCERTS!!

Who doesn’t love a good concert? I love concerts. Unfortunatley I only went to 2 concerts..well 3 concerts this year. U2, Lifehouse and Cartel. All were AMAZING

 

The End of a Journey

Rye and I ended our time at EMCOG youth. It was very ssad to leave all those AMAZING people and yet we knew that God was calling us else where. It’s so weird to explain, but it is something that we both were called to go else where. I went back to my old Church and Rye went back to a church that his family was attending. 

1^st Trip to Chicago

*You can read about this in another blog.

It's not Good-Bye, More Like See You Later!!

 "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13

This picture speaks so much to me!! I think it's because I love Hugs :) Can't wait for you to be home Scott!! 

1^st Ohio State Game

This was my 1^st OSU game in the horseshoe and I loved it. It was cold but so worth is!!

This pretty much sums up 2011. Granted there is lots more that I would love to share but will at a later date. Some new blogs that I am working on are: New Friendships, Calling and some others. Just have to redo some of them and add pictures, because I am such a picture person :) Hope you enjoyed my 2011 in review!!

Trials, Tears and Tribulation

When I blog I want people to feel as if they were sitting with me on the couch all bundled up drinking a peppermint mocha or hot chocolate with marshmallows. I don’t do it, for something that is going to be published. It’s just my thoughts feeling typed out so later on in life I can go back and read what I was going through or feeling.

This past week has been hard for me. It started out with my heart being broken. 

*NOTE: This section will be said at a different time. I'm still going through some things that are pretty fresh and I don't want to add salt to my wound

I was really upset but I have a great support system and my friends were there for me. Sunday, came and I was full of mixed emotions. Not a very good day but I got through it and at the end of the day I knew I was going to be alright. With the hugs from some pretty amazing people who I love so dearly J Monday morning during my prayer time with God I said to myself..”This week will be better.” I did not know that within 3hrs all that was going to change. I did my usual routine at work. The phones were starting to calm down and I was just starting to gather information from the busy morning. My cell phone rang and I picked it up not knowing that phone was going to be so devastating. When I was off the phone I went out in the hall with tears streaming down my face. See, with girls, especially me, once I start crying it’s very hard for me to stop. It’s even harder when my heart is literally ripped out of my chest. That phone call was a call that I will never forget. The phone call that a friend has passed away.

Erica was an AMAZING Christian, wife, daughter, friend and co-worker. I had the privilege of meeting Erica when I first worked at The GP. We were in the same room M-F for more than 12 hrs. She always made me laugh. We would have dance parties with the infants, start food fights with the other rooms, and just be jokesters! I loved it. That greatest thing though with Erica is we shared the same birthday and the same middle name. We would dress up in the kids dress up clothes, have photo shoots and play pranks on the office staff. It was never a boring or dull day at work. When I started working at The GP I was pretty new in my faith. Actually, I still partied until about 4 months of working there when I came to re-dedicate my life to Christ. Erica had a big part in my walk. If I had questions she was quick to help me with anything and she would fill my head with so much knowledge. She really loved like Jesus did! She introduced me to Jordan. (Not romantically, like here is my friend Jordan you should date.) No, it was this is my friend Jordan..and this is my friend Chris. Needless, to say the 4 of us were good friends. Chris, Erica and I would be stuck some nights closing down the building. This is when we would play Switchfoot or All American Rejects so loud and dance around the building or play a prank and trash the office with the chicken. (You know the kind that plays the chicken dance song.) It was an ongoing joke/battle with the office. We would go and see movies, do dinner and just hang out. Through this Erica and I ended up hanging out on the weekends going to bonfires, bible study and Wednesday nights. It was just AWESOME!! I remembered feeling so love whenever I was with her. She encouraged me to chase my dreams and that the waiting is so going to be worth it! One night Erica, Jordy and I went to our friend Nancy’s house for a bonfire, which was great because the night sky was crystal clear. (Another love that Erica and I had was looking at the stars. We both just loved it!!) As the night grew longer people started going different ways having their own conversations. After awhile I realized that it was just E and I sitting there talking about God which then led to the topic of guys. She was always encourager saying that the right guy IS out there for me. To never give up and always keep my focus on God. He will bring the right guy to me on HIS timing not MINE!! She always emphasized on that part. We chuckled and she would talk about how EXCITED she was to be some special guy’s wife. We talked, laughed even cried a little (that’s for a different time) we ended up praying and after we were done we both looked up as we continued to talk and across the sky went a shooting star. Both of us freaked out and got all giddy like little school girls. I still remember her with the biggest smile ever saying “See Meg that was God just giving us a wink saying everything is going to be fine!” (I still get teary thinking about that night) It was so special to me and I know that God placed Erica in my life for a reason. I love ya E! As the years went by we didn’t see each other as much as we wanted to. We did Facebook a lot and talked about the amazing things that God was doing in our lives. I remember the day that God brought her Mark. (Let me rephrase that after her and Mark started dating. Not the exact day) we were Facebook chatting and she proceeded to tell me about this WONDERFUL guy she met. I was so excited that God finally brought her, her Prince charming. She was so happy and I could just tell that she was happy. Mark and her ended up getting married and have a beautiful daughter Peyton. Now, she is in heaven rejoicing and dancing with Jesus. I can see her just busting a move!! 


Here is a little e-mail that I found from AricaGeezle (Xanga was the bomb) Enjoy!! This brought a smile to my face when I read it...Love it!!

First day "in the office" was today!!

Our first assignment: Put together our desk. Very interesting, but we mastered it without directions. (sorda) That's right, we rock.

There's a lot of stuff that we get to do. I can just tell that this is going to be awesome, we have a lot of responsibility now too.. we even get to speak on a Wednesday night! Scary, I know..and get this, I gotta wear a skirt every Sunday. He's really pushin it...  but it's part of the combo. *sigh* 

Anyway, the point of this post.. I just wanted to tell you guys to make sure God is first in everything that you do. Today I realized there's a lot I need to give up and let God take control, and there's a lot that I should have consulted God on before I took control. There are going to be some changes that I'm not happy about, but I know it'll work out. Just pray for me.. and Brett too. We are going to need it!!

Love you guys!!

Erica,

Thank you! Thank you for showing me how to be a Christian and loving others as Jesus did. I will never forget our memories. This past week they have flooded my mind like crazy. I have of course written them down so one day I can share them with beautiful Peyton. To let her know how wonderful her mother was and how she loved everything. Maybe I’ll even share some of our secrets J I will think of you every time that I hear Switchfoot, Relient K, All American Rejects, Family Force 5 (Christmas), Hillsong and Jason Upton. When I hear someone talk about Max Lucado I will think of you and how you loved the book. Come Thirsty and would talk to me about it and how I should read it. Which now I am going to read. Long drives down 64 or any old country back road. When I look up at the sky at night and see a bright shining star I will think of you, or see a shooting star I will think of you. I can still hear your laugh when we  watched the Polar Express and you Chris and I were the only ones in the whole theater and the guy disappeared and out of know were “He’s disappearing like it’s his job or something.” The nights we closed and would put the chicken in the office and crack up bc we would picture what their faces would look like. How Cameron was Miss Erica’s favorite and he was going to marry you. When I told you was going to get baptized and no-one from my family was going to come to support me but you, Aaron, Chris and Jordan did!! Getting a nice big hug from you for no apparent reason, because you knew that’s what I needed. Thanks for lending a shoulder/pillow to cry on when I got my heart broken. Giving me words of encouragement. I have so many memories with you. I will never forget. You were an Angel and will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you so much and it saddens me that I you are gone, but I know you are in a better place. I wish I would have stayed in better contact with you but I know that we will see each other again.

On my wedding day, whenever that may be, I will think of you and know that you are up in heaven smiling J Thank you for loving me for me and being there for me. You taught me so much about life and Jesus!!

Love always,
Meg2crazy J

*Pictures to come at a later date.