What Should I Do

Last night was a very interesting yet encouraging night. My Roommate and her fiance came home a little late. I just got done getting ready for bed and I was about to dive in to the warm sheets and just get lost in dream land. That did not happen. I heard the garage door open and them talking. I layed there a while debating if I should get up and go chit chat for a bit or just go to sleep. While I was contemplating that I felt like God was telling me to go talk to them.

Here's a bit of a back story on why I needed to go talk to them....Earlier that day I had a panic attack. It wasn't your normal one. This time I felt that I was going to meet my maker. I was having horrible chest pains and it wasn't good. I was scary and horrifying at the same time. My dad talked me down and said to just go rest for a bit and relax. I layed on the couch and did my little relaxing technique that I had done since I was little, prayed that God would just take everything that I was feeling, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, and confused away. Within 5 mins I was out like a light. I slept for a bit and got up to get ready for youth. I really needed to talk to someone though and I knew this. I felt it. It was a crazy feeling because I am going through some things that I don't want anyone to know about. Stuff about my past that creeps up on me and I get really depress or have horrible nightmares. I have been dealing with a lot. I know it's a good thing but a hard thing at the same time.

I had watched this video and it really hit home because I know that God is working on me still

I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and just talk to them. It's very unusal because this past weekend I hardly saw them. I ususally see them a lot more. Kelsey went and took a shower and Rye and I went in the living room and talked. Talked about the good old days at Elmore, life, relationships and trials. Trials that I was facing. One in particular...Not going to go into to much depth on here though...not now at least...I have been battling with a change that I think (still praying though for some clarity) i need to do. The problem is I dont want to do this change. I love what I do where I'm at and who I'm with. I feel though that God is directing me else where and that scares the daylights out of me. I don't want to do this change because it means that I will have to start new and meet new people and just start over. Where I'm at, I'm comfortable. I don't like change and I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. When I was explaning everything to Ryan he reassured me that God does call me to step out of my comfort zone. That is so true. I think I know what I have to do and I really don't want to do it but I do want to serve God and if he's calling me some where else then I should make the move. Just going to pray about it for a little bit longer because I still need clarity. I don't want ot go based on feelings.

Stay tuned for what path I choose...

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
~Jeremiah 29:11-13

Things I take seriously...FRIENDSHIP

This past weekend I got to get away from life for awhile. Away from my small town. A 4 1/2 hour up north to an isolated little area deep in the woods. I will go in depth with the 2nd part but I wanted to share or more less write down a little sneak peek into what was probably one of the greatest weekends in a long time.



My day started out like any other day. Got up early to get ready. Prayed about the day ahead of me. I knew it was going to be a much needed weekend! I actually need this weekend more than I thought. Anyways, I had a great weekend!!(Another Blog) Well, let's get back to the "time to think". I had some good conversations this weekend. Really bonded with a lot of the high schoolers and leaders. It was a perfect getaway weekend. Then I found out some information that really just broke my heart. Shattered it. Being traded by a friend is one of those pains in your heart you don't know how to take it. I'm still really confused about the whole situation but I am going to talk to the person about it. Not an easy conversation to have but, not an easy one to have. It will either turn out really bad or be one of the best conversations.

Friendship is a very important thing to me. People always tell me that I have a lot of friends. I think I do but there is a handful that I honestly think as friends. The one that you can call anytime of the day or night. Cares for you as a person and is there for you when your world is flipped upside down. Great listeners and great advice givers. I really do have some amazing people in my life. (Another Blog Idea) Like my family. I consider them my best friends. They are the people who will always be there for you and will never leave you hanging on to only memories. As you get older people that you think are your friends are really not. They may have been during that season of your life. That also doesn't mean that they should be apart of your life now. It's hard to explain this concept right now, because I feel like I am still trying to understand this. I enjoy everyone of my friendships but there are a few that I could do with out. It's hard because I love and care for these people but, the way that they treat me or bring me down, well, there's NO room for that in my life!! This doesnt mean that I don't love or care about them. Just don't have room for that in my life. Things need to change but, if they are not then I am going to have to ask them to leave. I kind of sound like a snob or a little crabby. Sorry. This is just how I feel. I learned so much this weekend and I really have some great people in my life that are positive people and don't bring me down or the drama.

Wait, for the blog about how the Spring hill retreat was one of the best retreats in a long time! Lots of bonding and memories were made this past weekend.

If You Had 3 Weeks to Live What Would You Do?

I have had this question come up in conversation recently. I don't know if it's because of the deaths that have recently happened, the "end of the world" or just conversation. Everyone usually gives the normal/traditional responses on spending time with family and doing everything they ever wanted to do. When I think about it more as I am sitting here in my comfy flannel pajamas, sipping on some delicious Hot Chocolate I wonder if it really came down to it, What would I really do?? I don't think I can honestly answer this question. I can try my best but until I your put into that situation you won't know. This is hard for me because there are so many books I want to read and movies I want to see. I don't really want to spend my days doing those kind of things. I know...I know books and movies are great but I personally don't want to be spending my last days doing that. Let's see these are some of the top things I would want to do.

1.Spend time with my family. Every year the week of Thanksgiving my family (Dad's side) goes to Mohican State Park and we stay in these cute little cabins. Some of us stay a whole week, some stay half. Anyways, I would want to do something like that with my family. Well, it would be between Mohican and Mohican South which is (North Carolina)

2. Going to the beach. I would want to drive but if I had that short amount of time I would fly. 2hrs instead of 8hrs. I could kill two birds with one stone and have my whole family go with me and we can stay in one of those ginormous houses on the beach. All of us living in the same area. While I was on the beach I would stay up all hours of the night and watch the stars and sunrise on the ocean. Taking in the sights of the beautiful orange, pinks and purples shining across the sky or the pure darkness of the sky at night with little white dots all across the sky. With a few shooting stars :)

3.Write letters to important people in my life. Which is a lot. I did this once and it took me forever. I actually found some of the letters half written as I was packing up some stuff. Send each person I know a letter and the important role they had played in my life. I would send pictures if I had any with them so they would always have a memory with them or give them something of mine. 

4.Tell the guy that I have been smitten by that I like him. Why do people always wait to the last minute to tell someone that they care about how they feel. I know it has to do something with rejection but I would say something like this...."Don't say anything just let me speak..."and then I would go on about how I like them and all that fun stuff. Just so they would know how I feel about them. Which I think he does know how I feel about him. Just doesn't know what say or do without hurting my feelings.

5. Go to Africa or Haiti to a orphanage and do some mission work. I have always felt a calling to do something like this. I love doing mission trips, even though I haven't done one out of state, the in state ones have been so moving to me I can only imagine what it be like to do an overseas one.  I would be doing this right now but the problem is, I'm broke as a joke. One day though I know I will fulfill this. I can't wait for that to happen.

There you have it. My Top 5 things that I would do if I only had 3 weeks to live. The more I think about it I am going or will do these in the near future. Letters to my friends and family/Mission trip/Week vacation to the beach/and spending time with my family. The only one that I am not ready to indulge in is tell the guy that I am recently crushing on. Just because it's so new and everything is going great. Plus, I would prefer to be pursued by a guy. I guess it's because I have been rejected some many times.  My heart can only take so much breaking and I am an old fashioned girl. To many times in my past have I tried to make guys like me. That doesn't work out to well. The big guy upstairs knows who the right person is for me. I'm patiently waiting for him.

Well, I hoped you enjoyed this little blog. It's not much but I don't know really if anyone reads this. I personally like to just write (type) out things out that have been swirling on in my brain. I have way to much going on up there so getting a little out there is good. I guess.

God's Plan vs My Plan

Sometimes I wonder.."What is God's plan for my life?" As I think everyone thinks this. (If not then maybe there really is something wrong with me..kidding) I recently blogged about how my life had taken a turn in the job field. Yes, I'm still unemployed!! (Fingers crossed that I will get a job soon) Anyways, I was at my parents house early this evening grabbing a few things that I needed. I came across this teddy bear book with a little lock on it. To my surprise I found the key and opened it up to read what I wrote in it. It was hilarious. First off, if you didn't know me in my younger years I was BOY CRAZY!! In the front cover I have 7 boys name in a heart, well because I loved them. I Love Will, Jake, Zac, Brett, Bob, Brent, and Steve. WOW, that is a lot of boys. (Don't judge.) When I read the first entry I died laughing. I will give you a little glimpse into it:

Dear Diary,
I think I am in love. I really don't know what love is but what I feel I think is love. There is this boy in my new school named Will. He's really cute. We sit next to each other in class. We were talking and he is dating Stefanie. She actually is in the other class. She's really pretty with long brown hair and wears really cool clothes. I wonder if they are going to get married. I bet they are. They are really cute but I like Will too. Maybe we will get married? I can't wait to get married and become a mom. I'm going to be a cool mom that packs cool lunches, like Oatmeal creme pies or Chocolate Chip Cookies!! My Grandma Welch makes the BEST!! I am going to be really good at cooking too. I want to get married at 20 and have my kid by 25 because that is getting kind of old. My cousin just told us that they are going to have a baby. I can't wait because I will get to babysit. Well, gotta go. I hear my brother coming. 
Love
Meggie 

So there you go. A glimpse into my 5^th grade journal entry! I often think of what I wanted or where I was going to be when I was older.

Teenage Megan                                                                       20's Megan

• Married by 21                                                                       Not Married (not even dating)
• 7 Kids by 25                                                                         No Kids, lots of Nieces and Nephews
• Open my own Bakery/florist                                                  No bakery but a photography business 

That's just a little bit of what I wanted in my life. I had my whole wedding planned out who was going to be in it and where it was going to be. All that was missing was the groom. Now, that I'm done diving in my boy crazy life I'll get to the point.

All those things that I craved for and wanted and didn't get by the age of 21 has changed. I have gone through life with a plan. An agenda that I wanted to follow. What the world wanted me to follow. After I gave my life to Christ now I fully understand what it means for God's Plan. God's plan for my life far exceeds the plans I had. I never thought that I would be a youth leader, let alone going to church. I didn't grow up in a home where we went to Church every Sunday. Now it's something I do every weekend! I am really involved with my church and doing things in the church. I'm not saying that I don't hang out with people who aren't Christians because I do. I think that I have a good mix. Whenever I get discouraged I remember what the bible says 

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

and

 ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

These are two of my favorite verses. They speak so much volume into my life. 

What I'm saying is that God's plan is far better than I could ever imagine my plan. I don't know why God chose me, but I'm so glad that I chose this path for my life. :)

Here is a nice little song I recently been listening too. 

PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Don't know if anyone really reads my blog, but I decided to write a concern I have. Well, something that has been on my heart and I have a concern with. My baby brother (who is not a baby) served 5 years in the United States Marine Corps. He served for the country he loves and fought for our freedom. While in the Marine Corps he did a lot of growing up. Which, I think that anyone who goes into a branch of the military is going to grow up. I love the military. I am thankful for all who serve our country. It is something that I could not do. We became close to so many new families all over the United States. Some of my brothers best friends he met in the service. He recently ended his time with the Marines in May. It's so nice having him home. There is something that is missing from my brother and it makes me sad to think or even talk about. I love my brother with all my heart but being over seas, experiencing, and seeing what he saw I could never fathom. I know that a lot of military people who come back to civilian life is hard to get what they saw/heard over there. Bubba served three tours. It was the hardest/longest deployment ever. I hated it, but knew this is what he wanted to do. I have several friends who have and are serving overseas and God Bless each and everyone of them. I prayed Psalm 91 when he was over there and still do.

PTSD is something that has affected my family. We saw it when my brother snapped and wanted to beat up everyone around him. It took us calling the cops on him to calm him down, but even after that he would get these nightmares and just freak out on us. Now a days I have noticed that he just doesn't care. He is angry, irritable and just seems to be giving up on everything. It breaks my heart because he is an AMAZING guy! One of my best friends. Gives the greatest advice and was so warm to be around. When I talk to him now I feel like he's going to snap at me or he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me. That kills me because he is my brother, and the love you have for a sibling is unexplainable. Sometimes, well, I should say most of the time that I think about what he has gone through or how he has a little piece of his heart gone, I just cry. Crying right now. I have witnessed one to many freak outs. (I should think of another name because I don't like that word) I just want my fun loving brother back. I know there are things out there that can help you but it's addressing the problem that is hard. My brother is very stubborn and its hard to talk to him about this. I keep praying that God heals you from this horrible HORRIBLE thing!!

Tonight, like every night, I pray over my brother and that everyone else who is going through PTSD can get help and God buts his loving arms around you. I know that it's hard to talk someone but please talk to someone. Anyone. There are people out there that will sit and listen to you and help you get the help you need.

To my brother: I love you more than you will ever know!! You are my hero! You have done so much that a sister can be proud of. I am sorry that you feel you cant talk to me about this. I am here for you and I always will be. You deserve so much more than this. I knew from the 1st day that I met you we would be best friends. I know that this is going to take time but I am trying my best to understand everything. I LOVE YOU to the moon and back!!

*I have been researching on this and have had some really good things. If you know someone who is dealing with PTSD, there are places out there to help you better understand.

Life

Sitting in my room with The Office playing on in the background (because we got rid of cable) I start to think. Sometimes it's good thinking, but sometimes my imagination wanders and I just think of fear and life. One of my fears is dying without really living my life to it's fullest potential. I try every day when I wake up to focus my day on God and start off on the right foot. Well let me just give you a sneak peak into my life the past month....

The last weekend in July one of my best friends had moved to Chicago. I did get to enjoy spending some nice quality time with him, which was just amazing and what I needed. (I think he did too, but he would never admit it) That was a hard weekend because one another friend of mine was leaving for college. Little did I know the next week was just going to blow every bad day out of the water. (One plus thing though is my bestest from Texas was moving to Chicago. Instead of having one best friend in Chicago I have two now!!)

On August 10th, I got called into my bosses office and was told that I know longer have a job with them. That is another blog in itself. I was very upset when I got home and my roommate was home (who is by the way the best and supports me 110% I don't know what I would do without her.) That day changed my life, for the better. Some peoples rock bottoms are different. I think it depends on what stage in your life that you are at. This was my rock bottom. I have never been "let go" from a job. I know this was a something from God, as weird as it sounds. I was so upset but then talking to some of the greatest people that are in my life helped me through it (Which I thank you all and you have know clue how much I love you and the support) God sure had my attention. I spent a lot of time in prayer and with God. It was one of the hardest things to trust him, but I know that's what I had to do.

Life so far has been throwing me curve balls, but having God on my side I have hit home-runs!!

30 Things To Do Before I'm 30

My cousin Julie K told me that the night going into my 29th birthday I need to make a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30. Which honestly I don't want to face the fact that I am going to be turning 30, but I have to because it's not going to go anywhere. Oh well, I'm going to live life to the fullest!!

I started my list and I keep going back to revamp it several times and keep adding more and more onto it. It's now longer than 30 and that's ok. There is no rule book saying when making a list of things you must have a certain amount of numbers or you will not be able to do it. Most of these are on my bucket list, but hopefully I can do some of these things in my 20's still :) Man, am I getting old.

Well here is my list

30 things to do before I'm 30

Don't take anything or anybody for granted!

Live life to the fullest!

Going through life laughing your butt off and enjoying every bit of it as much as possible is the way to go!!!  Don't be a jerk...karma is an even bigger jerk and life is FAR too short to deal with petty BS!--My friend Parris told me this

Work on myself

Go on a hot air balloon ride

Surprise someone

Lose some weight (#30)

Read the Emily Giffin series

Finish the hunger games

Buy a new car

Go to Africa

Meet the president

Lose some weight (30)

Go to a Dave Matthews concert

Go to a indie film festival

Random road trips

Take lots of pictures

Open an Etsy shop

Spend new years in New York

5k

Volunteer at the pregnancy center

Write letters of appreciation to friends 

Go kayaking in Michigan a whole day 

Go 4x within the year away on a long weekend no electronics.

See the Northern lights

Visit Cody

Eat a Philly steak in Philly

Eat a deep dish Chicago in Chicago

Watch a pro football game (Browns or Dallas) 

Go to a OSU football game 

Sit on top of a hill and look for shooting stars 

Spend the night on a beach

Go to Toronto to see a Play

House boat with a group of people 

Go to Frankfurt and learn about where my grandma lived 

Go to the Grand Canyon

Buy a pair of Toms  and have everyone I meet sign them 

Hold up a free hug sign (ie.. New York, Chicago, Columbus)

Spend all day watching Disney movies 

Spend all day watching Harry potter

Blog more

and my favorite one...Maybe meet my Prince Charming :) 

There you have it folks my list of things I want to do within the year.