God's Plan vs My Plan

Sometimes I wonder.."What is God's plan for my life?" As I think everyone thinks this. (If not then maybe there really is something wrong with me..kidding) I recently blogged about how my life had taken a turn in the job field. Yes, I'm still unemployed!! (Fingers crossed that I will get a job soon) Anyways, I was at my parents house early this evening grabbing a few things that I needed. I came across this teddy bear book with a little lock on it. To my surprise I found the key and opened it up to read what I wrote in it. It was hilarious. First off, if you didn't know me in my younger years I was BOY CRAZY!! In the front cover I have 7 boys name in a heart, well because I loved them. I Love Will, Jake, Zac, Brett, Bob, Brent, and Steve. WOW, that is a lot of boys. (Don't judge.) When I read the first entry I died laughing. I will give you a little glimpse into it:

Dear Diary,
I think I am in love. I really don't know what love is but what I feel I think is love. There is this boy in my new school named Will. He's really cute. We sit next to each other in class. We were talking and he is dating Stefanie. She actually is in the other class. She's really pretty with long brown hair and wears really cool clothes. I wonder if they are going to get married. I bet they are. They are really cute but I like Will too. Maybe we will get married? I can't wait to get married and become a mom. I'm going to be a cool mom that packs cool lunches, like Oatmeal creme pies or Chocolate Chip Cookies!! My Grandma Welch makes the BEST!! I am going to be really good at cooking too. I want to get married at 20 and have my kid by 25 because that is getting kind of old. My cousin just told us that they are going to have a baby. I can't wait because I will get to babysit. Well, gotta go. I hear my brother coming. 
Love
Meggie 

So there you go. A glimpse into my 5^th grade journal entry! I often think of what I wanted or where I was going to be when I was older.

Teenage Megan                                                                       20's Megan

• Married by 21                                                                       Not Married (not even dating)
• 7 Kids by 25                                                                         No Kids, lots of Nieces and Nephews
• Open my own Bakery/florist                                                  No bakery but a photography business 

That's just a little bit of what I wanted in my life. I had my whole wedding planned out who was going to be in it and where it was going to be. All that was missing was the groom. Now, that I'm done diving in my boy crazy life I'll get to the point.

All those things that I craved for and wanted and didn't get by the age of 21 has changed. I have gone through life with a plan. An agenda that I wanted to follow. What the world wanted me to follow. After I gave my life to Christ now I fully understand what it means for God's Plan. God's plan for my life far exceeds the plans I had. I never thought that I would be a youth leader, let alone going to church. I didn't grow up in a home where we went to Church every Sunday. Now it's something I do every weekend! I am really involved with my church and doing things in the church. I'm not saying that I don't hang out with people who aren't Christians because I do. I think that I have a good mix. Whenever I get discouraged I remember what the bible says 

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

and

 ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

These are two of my favorite verses. They speak so much volume into my life. 

What I'm saying is that God's plan is far better than I could ever imagine my plan. I don't know why God chose me, but I'm so glad that I chose this path for my life. :)

Here is a nice little song I recently been listening too. 

PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Don't know if anyone really reads my blog, but I decided to write a concern I have. Well, something that has been on my heart and I have a concern with. My baby brother (who is not a baby) served 5 years in the United States Marine Corps. He served for the country he loves and fought for our freedom. While in the Marine Corps he did a lot of growing up. Which, I think that anyone who goes into a branch of the military is going to grow up. I love the military. I am thankful for all who serve our country. It is something that I could not do. We became close to so many new families all over the United States. Some of my brothers best friends he met in the service. He recently ended his time with the Marines in May. It's so nice having him home. There is something that is missing from my brother and it makes me sad to think or even talk about. I love my brother with all my heart but being over seas, experiencing, and seeing what he saw I could never fathom. I know that a lot of military people who come back to civilian life is hard to get what they saw/heard over there. Bubba served three tours. It was the hardest/longest deployment ever. I hated it, but knew this is what he wanted to do. I have several friends who have and are serving overseas and God Bless each and everyone of them. I prayed Psalm 91 when he was over there and still do.

PTSD is something that has affected my family. We saw it when my brother snapped and wanted to beat up everyone around him. It took us calling the cops on him to calm him down, but even after that he would get these nightmares and just freak out on us. Now a days I have noticed that he just doesn't care. He is angry, irritable and just seems to be giving up on everything. It breaks my heart because he is an AMAZING guy! One of my best friends. Gives the greatest advice and was so warm to be around. When I talk to him now I feel like he's going to snap at me or he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me. That kills me because he is my brother, and the love you have for a sibling is unexplainable. Sometimes, well, I should say most of the time that I think about what he has gone through or how he has a little piece of his heart gone, I just cry. Crying right now. I have witnessed one to many freak outs. (I should think of another name because I don't like that word) I just want my fun loving brother back. I know there are things out there that can help you but it's addressing the problem that is hard. My brother is very stubborn and its hard to talk to him about this. I keep praying that God heals you from this horrible HORRIBLE thing!!

Tonight, like every night, I pray over my brother and that everyone else who is going through PTSD can get help and God buts his loving arms around you. I know that it's hard to talk someone but please talk to someone. Anyone. There are people out there that will sit and listen to you and help you get the help you need.

To my brother: I love you more than you will ever know!! You are my hero! You have done so much that a sister can be proud of. I am sorry that you feel you cant talk to me about this. I am here for you and I always will be. You deserve so much more than this. I knew from the 1st day that I met you we would be best friends. I know that this is going to take time but I am trying my best to understand everything. I LOVE YOU to the moon and back!!

*I have been researching on this and have had some really good things. If you know someone who is dealing with PTSD, there are places out there to help you better understand.