I have been struggling with this the past few months. I thought it was something else, but that is nothing to fret about. I have been struggling with finding my place. My place in this enormous world. It’s hard being in my late 20’s, single, and wondering what God has in store for me. I love this piece of scripture and it is one of my favorites:
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| LOVE THIS!!! I am going to but this on my wall so it can be a daily reminder. |
Whenever, I start to have a panic attack or get really anxious I just think of this verse and I feel 100% better. The grace of God is just so AMAZING; I can’t even put it into words. God has really spoken to me these past few days. I was recently just surfing the net (I am a HUGE fan of the Skit Guys) I came across this video. I have seen it a while back ago and I absolutely LOVED it! Every time I watch it, it takes my breath away and I am put back into check with God. God really knows how to put me in my place, in a loving and caring way of course. I decided to watch it again. As I sat at my desk during my lunch break I had tears flowing down my face. It was just like the video was talking straight to me. I couldn’t believe all the emotions I was going through. I decided that I needed to really spend more time with God and work on myself. It was a real wake up call. I have recently taken a vacation from Facebook and Twitter. These two Social Medias were taking up so much of my time. Ever since then I have learned some very important lessons. I keep hearing a song in random places and it grabs my attention, it is By your side by Tenth Avenue North. The lyrics are like an arrow headed straight to my heart. Anyways, I will get back to my point here.
I have had this “hole” in my heart for some time now and I don’t know where it came from or what it was. (If that makes any sense) I was trying to fill this “hole” with different people and activities. I finally realized that this “hole” is from my spiritual growth. I’ll explain a little better. I was a part of a tremendous bible study. My Monday night group, which I had been with for 8 years, we just recently ended our 8 year journey this past September. It was a bitter-sweet. It was something that had to be done. We didn’t have a big fall out or harsh feelings it was time to end that chapter and start a new one. I still see the girls that I grew so strong in my faith with and they still have a big part in my life. I am just having a really difficult time with this. I keep rereading the last page not turning to the next chapter to see what God has in store for me. God has really been showing me that I need this in my life. Last night it hit me. I was sitting in the car with a friend and we were talking. I explained what I was going through and how I was feeling and she was in the same boat. We got to talking and it was great. I see God moving not only in my friendship but he brought me to someone who is going through the same thing and we can grow. I feel like this, let me explain in a story:
“I was walking through life with a crowd of people, all believers and strong Christians, then after a while people started to branch out. (ie: starting new relationships, getting married, having babies etc.) After a while I notice there’s just a few, not many. Then, I try to hang on to the ones that are near and it’s not good. All of a sudden I am by myself walking and trying to find someone anyone. (Which I should have my focus on God) When I realize that Jesus is always there I turn around and he’s there with open arms saying “I’ve been waiting for my hug.” I run to him a squeeze him so tightly! I feel like a small child in the arms a dad or grandfather where there hugs just swallow you up.
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| This is more or less how I feel. The biggest hug!! |
I stand there for hours just soaking it in with tears down my face trying to gain some kind of composer. I keep saying "Please, don't let go." and he just whispers back. "I will never leave you or forsake you." After standing there for a while we start to walk. He is showing me all the great and wonderful things I have in my life. Like my high school girls that I have a close relationship with. They look up to me and for me to sit here and not live the life that God has for me or is showing me that there is something better. I just need to focus on them and become a better leader/mentor. Not that I’m not. I mean they could think I’m the suckiest leader and they hate coming to our little get together, but if I know my girls I think that they help ME more than I help them. They show me the beauty in things; challenge me in areas that I struggle. I see also on this walk the bad and ugly of me, but Jesus doesn’t sit there and how there is so much more out there. How I shouldn’t be holding on to things that aren’t going to fit right. Just let them go and move on! I finally start focusing on the breathtaking scenery around me and realize that I have so much and everything is perfect. It may not look like that to others but to me it looks splendid. As we are walking another person joins our journey and we learn and start to grow in our faith. It becomes a remarkable friendship.
Ok, sorry if that confused you or didn’t make any sense because it made perfect sense to me. That’s how I see it and I know that God is so working in my life. I was at a plato in my walk but now I am starting to make the journey up. I know through certain things I am going to learn so much and just humble myself to these things. I have other things to focus on. I know that my Prince is out there I just have to be patient. When your my age though it gets kind of tough, but I have abundant support through a great group of friends and family members. I know God is working on me and I am not perfect, but my picture is the one hanging on his fridge because he is proud of me. My heart is starting to become "whole" again.
*I added the video of the song that has been everywhere. I am finally taking my sign and working towards what God wants for me, not what I think I need!
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