What Should I Do

Last night was a very interesting yet encouraging night. My Roommate and her fiance came home a little late. I just got done getting ready for bed and I was about to dive in to the warm sheets and just get lost in dream land. That did not happen. I heard the garage door open and them talking. I layed there a while debating if I should get up and go chit chat for a bit or just go to sleep. While I was contemplating that I felt like God was telling me to go talk to them.

Here's a bit of a back story on why I needed to go talk to them....Earlier that day I had a panic attack. It wasn't your normal one. This time I felt that I was going to meet my maker. I was having horrible chest pains and it wasn't good. I was scary and horrifying at the same time. My dad talked me down and said to just go rest for a bit and relax. I layed on the couch and did my little relaxing technique that I had done since I was little, prayed that God would just take everything that I was feeling, anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, and confused away. Within 5 mins I was out like a light. I slept for a bit and got up to get ready for youth. I really needed to talk to someone though and I knew this. I felt it. It was a crazy feeling because I am going through some things that I don't want anyone to know about. Stuff about my past that creeps up on me and I get really depress or have horrible nightmares. I have been dealing with a lot. I know it's a good thing but a hard thing at the same time.

I had watched this video and it really hit home because I know that God is working on me still

I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and just talk to them. It's very unusal because this past weekend I hardly saw them. I ususally see them a lot more. Kelsey went and took a shower and Rye and I went in the living room and talked. Talked about the good old days at Elmore, life, relationships and trials. Trials that I was facing. One in particular...Not going to go into to much depth on here though...not now at least...I have been battling with a change that I think (still praying though for some clarity) i need to do. The problem is I dont want to do this change. I love what I do where I'm at and who I'm with. I feel though that God is directing me else where and that scares the daylights out of me. I don't want to do this change because it means that I will have to start new and meet new people and just start over. Where I'm at, I'm comfortable. I don't like change and I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. When I was explaning everything to Ryan he reassured me that God does call me to step out of my comfort zone. That is so true. I think I know what I have to do and I really don't want to do it but I do want to serve God and if he's calling me some where else then I should make the move. Just going to pray about it for a little bit longer because I still need clarity. I don't want ot go based on feelings.

Stay tuned for what path I choose...

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
~Jeremiah 29:11-13